Our Twins: Birth Story

Twin pregnancy..... whew! My first two pregnancies were pretty smooth sailing. The last month was uncomfortable for them both but bearable. I felt really uncomfortable, started contractions and just like that - labor began. With the twins..... I feel like i was in labor for a MONTH.

My Dr told me around 24 weeks I’d start to feel miserable, I shook my head to agree but didn’t really believe him because my past pregnancies were very kind to me. The beginning of this pregnancy was the sickest I’d ever gotten but with that being a thing of the past, I felt confident that I’d carry these babies to hopefully 36 weeks and may just be a tad more uncomfortable. My OB knew i was taking his warning lightly and laughed. When I came back around 26 weeks - I had to admit..... He was SOO right. I was SOOOOOO done. I’m blessed enough to not have had any complications. We had some low fluid level scares that we learned later was due to positioning. Other than that, everything was great. But the symptoms started piling up... and the PAIN!

I seemed to have had it all. I couldn’t reach my feet, couldn’t bend, couldn’t eat much at a time, Braxton Hicks contractions, swelling (oh my gosh the swelling), pitting edema, fatigue, having to visit the bathroom every time I stood up (literally my bladder couldn’t stand the pressure of the babies at all), and all my muscles and joints just ached. I had reached the point where I didn’t have the strength to simply move. Any movement took so much effort. I couldn’t sleep at night, and if I did, I was quickly awoken by heartburn, reflux, or my need to visit the bathroom - yet again... then just sitting up, rolling out of my giant pregnancy pillow and off the bed, was such a task. I could go on for days, but it got tough. The last four weeks through were the hardest. I thought I was in labor so many times! I felt exactly how I did with my other two with the unbearable misery and nonstop contraction’s. They were 3-5 minutes apart in and off for four weeks. At this point I was having appointments twice a week, but everything looked great, so they stuck with my original due date - April 24th. They told me to watch for signs of preeclampsia because I’d had it in the past and it’s more common with twins, but I already had all the borderline symptoms. Eventually my blood pressure kept rising. Not enough to take action but enough to be checked daily. My OB was out of the state this week and I was deeply hoping to hold out until he returned. After hitting my limit and basically begging them to take them out, my sweet husband talked me down to wait until there’s an immediate need. Which I felt was the right thing to do, I was just desperate and frustrated. We returned home, again, and tried to enjoy the night. The next day was Easter! He knew how much I wanted to celebrate that last holiday with Quinn as it would be her final holiday with just us as a trio. We dyed eggs that night and Easter morning we had the best egg hunt, read scripture and enjoyed some sugary treats she’s never gotten to have before. I suppressed my symptoms (because well I had been feeling This way for a month now, they weren’t going away) and enjoyed the morning. I went to my appointment that day alone knowing I’d just be sent home, again. That’s where I was wrong, again!

My blood pressure was consistently  high and there were signs of protein in my urine. Since preeclampsia was happening again, we prepared for our c-section. I remember laughing as I called Justin. He would soon be calling his sisters to ask them to pick Quinn up so he could meet me at the hospital. The family was all together at a park to hunt eggs. All I could think of was the scene at the end of Steele Magnolias when Annelle goes into labor on Easter and everyone frantically running around. Thankfully, Justin was with me within 30 minutes and the process began.

First came the IV, then a spinal. The spinal is always painful to me and this time it made my leg spasm involuntarily and I didn’t seem to be numbing. I was flooded with the idea of all the possible complications..... I was so fearful of feeling them cut. Terrified. Luckily after a bit I felt numb, but it wasn’t until Justin confirmed that they had already made the initial cut that I could finally relax. I felt much better this time, not as jittery, cold or tired. I remember feeling so proud that I carried these two as long as I did, thankful that God granted us these children and so anxious to meet them.

Audrey came first and was raised over the tarp so i could get a glimpse of her. She was 5 pounds, 15 ounces. She took my breath away. Then she was taken to the table to be observed and cleaned. It was quiet. I remember hearing a cry, then looked over my shoulder to her table and noticed she was very still and quiet. I was in a frozen state of panic. I wouldn’t let my mind think or wonder. I put up such a wall so i wasn’t sucked back into the PTSD that followed what we saw with Liam. I kept thinking to not panic until I needed to and hopefully, I wouldn't need to at all. She will be okay and prayed. One minute later came Asher was out screaming away at 6 pounds 1 ounce. They held him up for me to see as well and I was in awe. Shortly after, Audrey was thankfully crying too. She was okay. Justin was running back and forth between them while trying to update me too. Soon both babies were brought to me over the table and I tried hard to accept that I actually had TWINS. Two perfect babies. They were here. The nightmare (for me) of getting pregnant, keeping the pregnancy and childbirth was over. These two completed us. We did it.

In the next few moments while they tied my tubes and closed me up, it was brought to my attention that they wanted to closely monitor each twin. Audrey specifically had low oxygen. I was taken back to my room to recover and Justin left with the babies. I’m not sure how much time passed, but it was hard to even get an update from Justin, and here I was, in a room alone with no babies or spouse. I was grateful to rest but I hated missing that time with them and was constantly worrying. I know they were being taken care of, but naturally I felt they should be with me. As a mom of loss, this was just too familiar and didn’t sit well. After an hour or two they brought Asher to me. He was breathing normally and seemed well. We laid there, skin to skin for hours. He nursed on and off, and we just bonded. Audrey on the other hand needed to stay in the nursery. If she wasn’t able to pass a few tests she would be admitted to the NICU. My heart ached. I know the NICU is wonderful, but I so deeply did not want to go down that road again. I just wanted my babies with me. After some prayer, and extra prayer from family, friends and our Grandma - Audrey passed her tests and finished a bottle which graduated her from the nursery! I’ll never forget when the door to my room opened and Justin wheeled her in. I remember asking “That’s it?! We get to keep her??!” I was selfish with her, only wanting her to myself. I felt so fulfilled with them both.

I thought I’d have a hard time with Asher reminding me so much of his brother. But it was actually Audrey’s face and characteristics that reminded me so much of him. I can’t explain it, but I remember it so well. They all seemed so similar yet so different from one another.

The next day Quinn visited and i was overwhelmed with emotion. I had so much guilt for leaving her and missed her so deeply. That was the longest she’d ever been away from us. Being so vulnerable in a hospital bed following so many months of being limited with her I wanted so much just to pick her up and squeeze her! Instead I took all her gentle cuddles as she met her brother and sister. I couldn’t wait for us all to be home as a family. I healed quickly and after barely sliding under the radar for some high blood pressure (happens to me every time after birth) we were heading home just two days later. What a blessing.

I felt different with the twins being born. With Liam I was going through the emotions, let everyone hold him, and just expected to have him forever. I was processing the new normal. Then after losing him things with Quinn were much different. I had a hard time putting my wall down and connecting with her. I was so scared to love so deeply again. I forced it because she deserved that love. And what a reward that was. Even with her minor health scares (laryngomalacia and reflux) and the roller coaster of surviving that first year with her in almost constant fear (Quinn was fine, the surviving was on me and my constant panic) She was a fantastic baby, but the worst memories haunted me with every hiccup that come along. Quinn showed us that it would be okay, she would be okay, and that we could relax a bit. When the twins came my heart was more open, more expecting. I felt more confident and comfortable. I was still so scared and had a tough time during their first month worrying about breathing and choking and just anything that could go wrong but they always get like home to us. I never in my life thought I’d have twins, but they feel so right for our family.

I also never expected to go through such a journey to get here. We started trying for our family in December 2012. After a miscarriage, having and losing Liam, another miscarriage, another pregnancy that we decided not to go through with due to the baby also having same condition as Liam, a full round of IVF, a failed transfer, another full round of IVF, an additional failed transfer, finally welcoming Quinn to the world in 2017 thanks to a successful transfer and finally our twins that debuted April 2019 due to our fourth and final transfer - I can finally say - Our Family Is Complete.

I can’t thank God enough for giving us this light at the end of such a long path, but I am so grateful for it. Our family is far from what some would consider a “traditional” one, but this is my family, it was so hard to get here, and I’m incredibly thankful to get to live out the rest of my days being the best Wife and Mama I possibly can to these beautiful souls.

The Rainbow

Our rainbow baby (A rainbow baby is born shortly after the loss of another baby. Its meant to signify the rainbow after a storm.) was born in June. My husband and I found that we are carriers for an extremely rare genetic condition after the unexpected passing of our affected first born son, Liam James, in 2014. After some defeating additional tries, we decided to go through IVF to try and have another child. After two stim rounds, and three transfers, we were pregnant with a precious baby girl.


Our rainbow miss Quinn Ann observing the bear we had made from her big brother Liam's jammies.

 I documented the entire pregnancy - how it varied from my pregnancy with Liam, the different emotions it brought on, different scares, etc. I liked being able to compare the two experiences. This pregnancy I was more aware of what was happening inside my body and I felt so close to this child so soon. Especially after the scary points in the pregnancy, I was really happy to just have her growing inside me, just the two of us. It felt safe and I loved it. I didn't know what to expect with her birth. I knew it would be hard, I knew it would feel different, I just didn't know what to expect. I made sure to have private time set aside, with just the three of us, to feel everything I needed to feel after she arrived. The fears I had during the csection were more than I expected. The weight of how much everything could change so quickly for better or worse was too much for me to envision. I struggled with calming myself down.

Once they delivered her, and showed her to me, I just felt relief and numbness. I just didn't expect what happened next. It was surreal. I was so happy that she was out and safe, crying and breathing. She passed all of her tests and checks perfectly. She was brought into our recovery room with us and we just held her and stared at her. We did skin to skin. We let her latch to my breast to feed. She was perfect. I was so in love with her, immediately. I was so grateful that she was ours and here and healthy. I had all of the typical mom feelings for her new child. What I didn't expect was to also feel so much fear and detachment.

It took me awhile to realize that's what I was feeling. I'm sure it was brought on by grief, hormones, and horrific memories, but it was hard to understand. I would hold this perfect little child and feel distant from her. You can imagine the wave of guilt that also came with that... I was afraid to fully accept and let myself feel that she was mine. With Liam, It felt more and more like he was God's and just on borrowed time with us. I know we are all Gods children, but the fear of her being taken from us too, today, tomorrow, years from now, it was too unbearable for me to think of. I was afraid to fully feel all of my love for her because of how much it would hurt if anything would ever happen to her. I had a wall up. I love her, held her, smelled her, soaked her up but with limits. I'd look at her and want her so much but be afraid to accept that she was here and I had her and that she was healthy.

It took a couple days to understand what I was feeling and why I was feeling it. I thought maybe it was post pardon depression, and I guess in a way it could have been. Once I had a few days to figure it out, it was a matter of convincing myself that that's not a way to fully love. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. I had to tell myself, once again, that this is something we don't have control of. I had to look at it as every single second we have with her is a blessing and I need to open my heart all the way, despite the dark possibilities. Its the only way to love anyone. She deserves all of me, not part of me.

The first few days were hard. Sleeping the first night while in the hospital was hard. I was so terrified she wouldn't be here when I woke up. I had to talk to a nurse about it so I could feel comfortable enough to sleep. I was reassured how to lay her in her bed (even though I know how to lay her in her bed), and she agreed to check on us often. Every breath terrified me. Every moment made me question if it was "normal" or not. The fears of accidents that could happen started running through my head. When we came home I could not have been more relieved to be at our own home and to get to share it with her. But with that comfort came more fear about the fact that we were no longer surrounded by nurses and no longer had a safety net of any kind. Then when family and friends started visiting, my anxiety about germs and sickness went through the roof. I was becoming so overprotective and worried that it was hard for me to enjoy it. Even those that I knew were great with kids, even after watching them wash their hands and keep their distance, it just felt so scary.

Then we went through a period during the second week where I became so obsessed with her breathing (fast breathing) and all of the new sounds she would make. If there was a cough, gag, or coo I would think something was wrong. I took her temperature every time she did anything new, again, automatically assuming it was a symptom or just something out of the normal. It was almost like I as waiting for something bad to happen. After being reassured by amazing supportive medical professionals that she was perfect and healthy I could stop stressing about it and wait for the next symptom. At the end of each feeding I would worry that she didn't get enough, or had too much and would surely be throwing it up. At the end of each day I would feel like I didn't do a good enough job. On the days that we had to leave the house for doctor appointments I would feel so terrible for even having to take her out in the heat at all (even though the car would be started and cooled, she would have a fan on her constantly, and I had a cold bottle of water to use to cool her also if needed). Now that I'm sitting here today, at almost one month of her life, I can finally see how silly these things were. Its not at all to say that anything new still doesn't put me on edge a bit, but its so nice to see her developing and thriving and getting to enjoy it. Its good to be in a place where I can enjoy the good things instead of focusing on what could go wrong. I'm learning too, that as the days go by, there are more and more good things, more reassurance, more confidence, and less insecurities.

I'm pretty sure I will always be more dramatic, overly cautious, and slightly stressed out when it comes to our little baby girl. I know a level of this is true about any parent. I'm just not sure where that bar is set since we didn't get to experience normal with Liam. As each day passes I feel more and more reassured that we are making the right choices with her. Its been amazing to see a little more of her personality each day. I'm familiar with her different cries and noises and what they usually mean. I also accepting that she is ever changing and that almost every time I feel like I have the hang of something, she will grow and change and I have to constantly adapt to keep up with her demands.

I cant believe its almost been a month with her already. There's no measurement large enough to express the love I have for her. I still lay at night just watching her breathe. I just sit and stare at her during our morning feedings trying to figure out how she is so absolutely perfect. Shes growing and changing every single day. I melt when she stares into my eyes and I'm unable to look away first. I'm obsessed with her face, her smells and her sounds. I cant wait to see who she grows up to be. I'm so anxious to watch her hit all of her milestones. I want to spend every single one of my days with her. I'm so unbelievably thankful to be her mother. I have no idea what our future holds, but I do know that we were blessed with an amazing, beautiful and perfect little child. She has filled a part of our hearts again that have been hurting for a very long time. I will always have a place in my heart that's missing for Liam. At the same time, I'm honored and blessed to be able to experience motherhood again, especially to our sweet little Quinn. Its a complicated mix of conflicting emotions that aren't commonly felt together. I'm getting more and more used to them though and again, just beyond thankful to be where we are in life today.

Thank you for everyone that helped us along the way to this dream come true! <3

Quinn's Birth Story

Quinn Ann has finally made her debut into the world! After such a long journey, so many ups and downs, scares, triumphs, etc - SHE IS HERE! What a roller coaster... What a blessing. What a miracle. Here's her birth story.

Let me just start by saying, our original due date was June 15th. When I had my first child, I was a month early. I was so determined that I would not go past 38 weeks with this one. We were given the date of June 14th for our scheduled c section. Again, I told everyone that I would go into labor before that for sure. I even had things wrapped up around mid May to accommodate that. Its not that I necessarily wanted her to come early, I know that the longer they stay in, the better for everyone. I just prayed that she comes when she's good and ready to thrive on her own, and that Id be happy to carry her as long as she let me, but I was also not so subtly hoping shed come just a week or two early (selfish me). My entire pregnancy with Quinn was very different than Liams. She gave me completely different symptoms, she was very interactive, and showed her personality right away just by her movements and position patterns. I should have known she'd come right when she felt like it.

I couldn't believe it. It was June 13th, the day before my scheduled due date. I was just a couple days short of a full 40 weeks pregnant. My c section was scheduled for 5:30 PM the next day. I was dreading not being able to eat or drink anything past 9AM waiting for the surgery. I was sure it would be terrible. Since we were finally accepting that that was what we would have to do, we made a plan to get a HUGE breakfast that morning. I had a weird appetite that night and didn't even eat much. Justin and I talked about our plan for the next day and the few things we would spend the day doing as a distraction until it was surgery time. But - Quinn had her own plan.

I woke up the next morning at 1am with severe cramps. I figured it was just a bad Braxton Hicks and went back to bed to sleep it off... But I couldn't. So I ate one last tum (becaust a 1AM potty break was not complete withoug the overnight heartburn) and a last sip of water. Another 10 minutes  or so later, another one hit. I decided to time it now, since it was pretty painful. They were a clear 10 minutes apart with a light contraction in the middle of the 10 minutes. After about 40 minutes I wake Justin up... "Im pretty sure this is it babe, Im in labor" I told him. He wakes up and I tell him what was happening and while waiting for a few more contractions, I start getting ready... We call our OB and he tells us to head over to the hospital. We get there around 2:30 or so. Im thinking, Im scheduled anyways, they will give me something for pain and we will get this going! The epidural could not have come soon enough and the contractions were less than a minute apart and lasting longer than the break I had in between them. The epidural as much more painful than I remembered, but finally my pain was taken away and we were just waiting until 9am for our doctor to come and deliver. We both dozed off for about 20 minutes or so while waiting for the doctor. Justin and I just laughed about our "plan" to have her at a scheduled c section and how she made sure she still came at her own time. Not to mention, my big breakfast plan was not happening anymore, and I ended up going even longer without food or water this way. We also got alot less sleep this way... Quinn was already all about doing things her way.

Finally it was time to go back. I remember being so cold the whole time. I remember having so much anxiety the whole time. It was just still somehow so sureal that we were here... and that this little perfect miracle of ours was actually coming right now and that so many different scenarios could take place in the next few minutes. I tried to stay calm, but I was so overly tired, so medicated and so worried that Im pretty sure I brought on a few panic attachs where I felt like I couldnt breathe or was definately going to pass out. My oxygen and everything was fine, so Im sure I just couldnt calm myself mentally. Eventually they started surgery, I calmed down a bit after Justin told me they made the cut (and I didnt feel it - RELIEF) and just waited to hear that baby cry. I felt the release of pressure as they pulled her out, and heard her cry right away. I was calm... So calm I could barely stay awake. They lifted her up so I could see her and I couldnt believe she was ours, and that she was here. I was so numb from it all, emotionally. They took her away to be cleaned and evaluated. Justin kept me updated the entire time. The doctors worked to close me up, and I listened for updates on our little girl.

Quinn was born at 10:03 AM on June 14th. She weighed 7lbs, 9oz (Justin totally called the wieght exactly while we were in labor, we both were just laughing when they told us her wieght). She was 19.5 inches. She was perfectly healthy and absolutely beautiful. The flood of emotions that came during that short time was undescribable. Ill explain more on that later. They finished fixing me up, and we were all taken back to our own room to rest. The best part - Quinn came too! That was definately something I took for granted with Liam. With him I just expected him to stay in the room with us while I heeled like I had seen with others and their newborns. When I got pre eclampsia, and he was admittd to the NICU, I just had no idea all of that could be taken away so quickly. The fact that Quinn got to stay with us, and I got to experience skin to skin with her right away, and establish her latching on for breastfeeding right away (which she did SO great with!) was just such a joyous moment for me. Even though I could barely stay awake, I was just astonished at how well everything went and how happy I was.

After about an hour to ourselves to just pull our selves together and soak up our first moments together, we started visiting with family and friends. There was such an abundance of love and joy around us. I felt so grateful to share such happiness with my loved ones. There had been alot of sorrow and struggle for so long. Im so glad we kept trying, found faith again, and were blessed enough to bring this little dream into the world.

I was released two days later and we all came home together. Another dream of mine, and wow what an experience. Im so happy and lucky to be this little girls momma. Its amazing to feel like a mom again. Terrifying, but wonderful. IVF is a beautiful miraculous advancement in science. I know its not for everyone, and that alot of folks are against it. I never imagined going through it myself. But having this little healthy girl, knowing she wont suffer from our genetic disorder, I feel that it was the absolute best decision for us. Im just so thankful it worked for us, despite the time and trials it took to get here. It was worth every penny, every poke, every med, every appointment, and every tear.

Welcome to the world baby Quinn. Let the adventure of our new dream begin.

I know Ive said it a million times, but I want to thank everyone that helped us get here. Thank you for all your love and support. Its been a long road, but our little miracle rainbow baby is here.

Bump Update: Week 36

Week: 36
Baby Size: Large Cantaloupe
Pregnancy Side Effects: LOTS. None to complain about, but plenty to keep me tired and uncomfortable.
Bump Status: Large triangle, square sometimes, usually round.... LOL Quinn moves so much and distorts my stomach so much its crazy to watch.

Currently...
Eating: Cereal, Salads, Cottage Cheese, Chocolate....
Craving: Taco Bell Supreme Tacos... Like, ALL of them...
Drinking: Water, Gatorade
Wearing: Maternity pants and tanks... Whatever's comfortable, Pajamas as early in the day as possible.
Feeling: Good overall, just tired, sore, uncomfortable.
Weather: Weather has been windy, but still on the cooler side. Im loving it!
Wanting: A year long vacation.
Thinking: About going into labor.... When... How.... Etc....
Enjoying: S L E E P. & any time I get with Justin.
Missing: Im in that anxious large stage where youre constantly thinking about getting your "body" back... Lol I cant wait to run and work out again, but that day will come soon enough and by then I wont want to anymore... Lol
Doing: Working, Trying to see a few last movies in theaters before those days are behind us for awhile, and trying to keep up with our family and friends get togethers. The last two months have been so busy.. We did assemble all the baby stuff and our house is officially ready for Quinn!
Looking Forward To: Maternity Leave.....






36 weeks!? How did we get here!? The 36th week is special to me because with Liam, we went into labor at the end of 36 weeks/day one of the 37th week. Ive been praying the Quinn comes when shes fully developed enough to thrive healthily on her own, But Im also (not so secretly) hoping that's in about a week. This week we set up the pack & play, rock & play, and the co-sleeper. All her clothes, sheets, etc are washed. Our hospital bag is backed and ready to go. We are at the stage where we feel fully ready and my hormones are in overdrive. The yearning I feel about being so close to holding our baby girl is just too much. The anticipation to actually mother another living child is consuming. Especially knowing we are so close.


With Liam, I assumed we would go full term, the full 40 weeks or so, especially because the whole pregnancy was textbook normal and going so well. So, when we went into labor after 36 weeks it was completely unexpected. I didn't have time to get really nervous yet, or over analyze everything. I was still just floating on day by day being pregnant. This time around, I know how early it happened last time, so all I can do is compare and wonder every second from here on out if "today is the day". I also never had Braxton hicks contractions, swelling, or aches/pains with Liam like I do with Quinn. I just already feel so anxious about what will happen and how, watching my health very carefully for any warning signs of pre-eclampsia. Im still feeling great overall, there's just more on my mind as the days go by. I feel like im in a constant battle of over analyzing everything that could happen, and reassuring myself that things are out of my hands and to just stay happy in the moment.


Ive also noticed such a different connection with Quinn while pregnant than I did with Liam. I know that this could be because of us losing Liam, and because of everything we went through with trying to get pregnant again. I just feel like I know Quinn so well already, like a glimpse of her personality. Being so familiar with her moves and knowing when shes awake or asleep, counting how many times a day she gets the hiccups (which she has right now), feeling her react to what I eat and drink and recognizing her patterns. I don't remember having all of that with Liam. He was active but less active. But again, I could have just not be as observant. It has created such a strong bond with Quinn though, and is making me that much more anxious to meet her. Then on my other crazy hormonal side, Im terrified for her to be here, and really really content with knowing she is just safe and sound inside me.


So many emotions and so much to be thankful for. Things have still been so happy. Busy, but happy! Every morning I wake up with this belly I couldn't feel more blessed. Please continue to keep us in your prayers these upcoming weeks! We love you all! Thank you!

Bump Update: Week 34

Week: 34
Baby Size: Pineapple
Pregnancy Side Effects: Swelling in the hands, Light cramping, Typical aches and pains, restless leg syndrome sometimes, sleepy pretty much ALL the time.
Bump Status: Large, almost always moving and shifting around, hard (Ahhh Wonderful to me!)

Currently...
Eating: Whatever sounds good, when it sounds good. Lots of cereal...
Craving: Schlotzsky's!
Drinking: Water & Juice
Wearing: Maternity Pants, shorts, tanks, and kimonos are my favorites!
Feeling: Still relatively good! But the pregnancy symptoms are definitely making me a bit more uncomfortable..
Weather: It was REALLY warming up, we even broke 100 degrees, but luckly this week we are back in the 70s!
Wanting: To be on leave, at home, with a beautiful baby girl in my arms...
Thinking: About how soon all of this can turn in to reality.
Enjoying: Being pregnant and feeling so close to Quinn with all of her movements.
Missing: Sleeping on my stomach most...
Doing: As much walking as I can fit in, no more gym time, but lots of resting.
Looking Forward To: Our upcoming next few weeks! Things are going to be so exciting!


So, I don't think I've posted since our baby shower! We had our shower right around 32 weeks. Let me just begin with - WOW. Our house was FILLED with so many loved ones and kindness and PINK! I don't even know where to begin with thanking everyone for everything. This wonderful little miracle rainbow baby is so special to everyone already. She was definitely not "sprinkled" with love, she was FLOODED with it! She was given more clothes, blankets, diapers, necessities, toys, and keepsakes than I could have imagined. It took two hours to just get through the gifts. I swear I'm not bragging, I'm just so unbelievably thankful for all of our family and friends. We live in the same city as each of our families (divorced on both sides) live. So any family event like this, we are blessed to have SO many family members so close to us to get to share all of these moments with. Its so wonderful, and we are so grateful for it! The weather was beautiful that day, everything went smoothly, and I felt fantastic all day. It was a wonderful perfect gorgeous day. If you would have asked me to even envision a day like this a year, or even two years ago, I would have broken down in tears just trying to fathom it. Now, today, this dream is coming true.

The day following the shower was spent entirely with baby laundry (three FULL loads), organizing, cleaning, and sorting through all Quinn's things. It was all I wanted to do for months! I didn't exactly mean to knock it all out in one day, but let me just tell you, that day was way too much fun for me! I got all of everything done that I wanted! Her room is completely complete!


Now during this 34th week, pregnancy is starting to get just a little heavier... I have an OB appointment this week, and every week from here on out. I'm starting to feel more weighed down, having more random aches and pains (all normal), restless leg syndrome while I'm trying to sleep or rest, nausea, my appetite is still very up and down, started swelling a bit, still always sleepy, and uncomfortable. None of these are that bad, but I'm definitely feeling the weight of them all, more. I don't remember feeling more like this with Liam until 36 weeks... So I guess it just comes with the territory! I'm just happy to still be feeling this well.


Its so surreal to think how soon Quinn can be here. I'm so excited for her, to see her and smell her and hold her and love her! This time a year ago we were just getting ready for another egg retrieval for our second full round of IVF. We had no idea from then to now that we would have another failed transfer, followed by a third transfer that would result in this wonderful miraculous pregnancy. I'm so happy to be where we are now.


Thank you all for sharing all of this happy with us! Thank you for all your love and support as always!

Bump Update: 32 Weeks

Week: 32
Baby Size: Head of Lettuce
Pregnancy Side Effects: Sleepy all the time,
Bump Status: Bigger and Bigger!

Currently...

Eating: Sunflower seeds, & Salads (with wayyy more ranch than I'd like to admit)...
Craving: Nachos, Café Rio
Drinking: Water and Decaf Iced Black Tea!
Wearing: Maternity pants, Regular tops, etc.
Feeling: Really great still! I had some more ligament pain for a couple days, but besides that, Im just still usually tired, but physically feel great.
Weather: Besides the nasty wind that has still be circling around, its been beautiful weather around the 70s and 80s. Im hoping it lasts for our baby shower this weekend!
Wanting: To do baby laundry, nest, organize, and clean!
Thinking: About our baby shower, and hoping my pregnancy brain hasn't affected much of its plans...
Enjoying: The weather, this big belly, and this sweet baby girl with all of her movements and interactions.
Missing: I really cant think of too much to miss... The things I'd think to miss like wine, caffeine, some of the foods Ive given up for pregnancy I really don't miss because I remember how much I resented having them all the time I was trying so hard to get pregnant.
Doing: Still trying to make enough time for the gym, going on walks, enjoying time with our family and friends.
Looking Forward To: Our baby "sprinkle" this weekend!

Oh how the time has flown! The last two weeks have been so exciting. I've been feeling great, so great, that we opted to take a quick little "baby moon" to California to spend some time at the beach and so some shopping and dreaming at Downtown Disney. We had beautiful weather, great company, and some very memorable moments. We spent time at Newport Beach, had lunch at Ruby's on the pier, built sandcastles and basked in the sun. We also spent a lot of time in the World of Disney store at Downtown Disney looking at baby toys and clothes and picked up a few things for Quinn and her nursery. A wonderful, wonderful getaway.

When we arrived back home, we had an OB appointment during which we got to measure Quinn's growth! Towards the end of the 30th week she was measuring at a healthy 3lb 8oz. We tried to get 3d/4d photos of her but like usual, she loves to hide. This time she had her head turned into my hip and was holding her feet in front of her face with her hands! She had been getting the hiccups every day for over the past week. Liam had only gotten the hiccups once during his pregnancy so I was growing concerned with the frequency she was getting them. Sometimes it would be more than once a day. Against my better judgment I googled and found horror stories of course. I asked our OB during our appointment and he reassured me that all was well, this was actually a great sign and its very common. This made me feel so much better, but I still just feel the natural need to soothe and comfort her when she gets them. I am however so glad that she is progressing so well. I just know that Ill have more scares like this, and will probably overreact, and hope that I will always have the resources and family around me to bring me back to center.

We even found time to make some time to take maternity photos! We didn't take photos like this with Liam, mostly because the typical "maternity shoot" style of photos Im not a big fan of, But after having Liam, I did regret not taking any. I wanted to make sure I did for this pregnancy. My sister was gracious enough to capture some of the most amazing moments for us. She was able to incorporate everything we wanted - everything centered around Quinn of course,  Liam, our pups, this rainbow pregnancy and more.

My birthday was on Easter this year. This was also such a nice time for us. Justin woke me up to a Easter egg hunt throughout the house with the eggs that we dyed the night before. Then he made me breakfast, and we enjoyed the weather and some errands. We had Coldstone Ice Cream for lunch (since my appetite is usually gone by the normal time to eat dessert) and we spent the evening with family for Easter. Quinn decided to be super interactive with everyone that day too. She let everyone feel her moving around, and even played with a flashlight in front of them all. I feel so close to her personality already. This is just such a beautiful time during pregnancy, and Im just so grateful of every moment of it.

April has brought so many good times and blessings to us! Now we await the weekend to celebrate our little girl!! Thank you all for your continued love and support! We love you all!

Bump Update: 30 Weeks

Week: 30
Baby Size: Butternut Squash
Pregnancy Side Effects: Exhaustion
Bump Status: Big and round! My belly button is sticking out now too!

Currently...
Eating: Whatever I can. Similar to my pregnancy with Liam, I don't get to experience the full on binge pregnancy eating because I get full SO fast. But I do have quite an appetite!
Craving: Otter Pops, Good & Plentys, Ranch Dressing, & Café Rio.
Drinking: Water, Juicy Juice
Wearing: Tank Tops, Maternity Bottoms, and whatever shorts I find that still fit.
Feeling:  Really, really happy lately.
Weather: Warmer with a recent wind storm.
Wanting: Longer Weekends.
Thinking: About the exciting two months that are coming!
Enjoying: The warmer weather outside and all the festivities this month!
Missing: Sleeping on my stomach, and being able to twist around to pop my back.
Doing: Gardening, Some light workouts, Quilting, and Baby Shower planning!
Looking Forward To: Everything that April and May has in store for us!




Recently Quinn's movements have been so strong and purposeful. They don't feel like sporadic jerks and kicks as much anymore, but instead like she's on a mission to move to a certain spot or get comfortable. The other day she continued to stick herself out so I would rub my stomach where she was sticking out and every time I would stop, she would stick herself out more as if in response to my stopping. It was adorable. Its hard for me to get Justin to feel her big moves and rolls lately because she usually stops when he starts to feel (which is funny because I can have my hand on my stomach the whole time and she just keeps going... ). The other night we were watching TV surrounded by our family and she was moving around so much, Justin got to feel so much of it! Then just after she had the hiccups and he got to feel that too! I cant even describe these moments. We had them with Liam too, but they were different. I remember his movements being different. This time its just so different. I'm not as anxious for her birth, instead I'm just really enjoying and soaking up every day of this pregnancy. After the journey it took to get this far, knowing that no other pregnancy is ever guaranteed, its just so precious to me. I remember sitting on the couch with Justin's hand on my stomach just smiling like an idiot for so long... Just excited for him to feel what I walk around feeling all throughout the day. And to see the joy on his face too.. Its indescribable. I could live that every day.
We have been really, really happy recently. We had a heart to heart conversation about it, just the difference in how easily we laugh now, and how often. In general just a lighter happier feeling is in our home and just around us in general. It made me sad at first to acknowledge how dark things were for so long even through our best and positive efforts. I'm just so really really happy to be in such a happier place.

Bump Update: 26 Weeks

Week: 26
Baby Size: Eggplant and/or a Package of Oreos... lol
Pregnancy Side Effects: I've had less and less side effects lately. Some ankle swelling, and still some pains from sleeping, but the rest have really seemed to let up lately.
Bump Status: Growing and growing! Its crazy to feel her so well sometimes in the front, and other times its so obvious that she's closer towards my spine. She moves around so much!

Currently...
Eating: Cereals, Sweetarts, and anything that sounds delicious.
Craving: Queso, Guacamole, Watermelon....
Drinking: Water, Juicy Juice
Wearing: My first pair of LuLaRoe leggings, maternity jeans, and regular tops.
Feeling:  Moody and hormonal! Im over the moon happy most of the time, but usually 6pm hits and Im tired, and turn grumpy and irritable for the night... Yikes....
Weather: Its warming up! Im really looking forward to the next few weeks of beautiful weather!
Wanting: More free time on the weekends to soak up with weather and the outdoors with my husband and pups.
Thinking: More and more about Quinn's arrival. Thinking about when and how and still absorbing the reality of it all.
Enjoying: Any morning that I get to sleep in... And basking in Quinn's finished nursery.
Missing: My little Liam pie..
Doing: Same old work, gym, crafting, cooking and cleaning..... #adulting
Looking Forward To: April... So many fun festivities in April.




The last two weeks have been so fun and eventful. We finished a long 4+ week stretch of home improvements, cleaning and decorating. My sweetest husband repairs some areas on our roof, completely renovated/organized the garage, repainted all of the ceilings in the house, painted the nursery, hung the artwork to decorate it, and so much more. I was able to deep clean the house in sections, shampooing carpets, organizing closets, throwing ALOT of stuff out, and clean random areas that I didn't even know needed to be cleaned... Its safe to say that my "nesting" is in full swing and I cannot be stopped! BUT - Its at a stopping point now, and our home feels just better than ever with that clean fresh feeling. Its so wonderful. We also had our glucose test last week and I'm so thankful to say that I passed it! We also had another ultrasound that same day and Quinn is doing so great. These appointments seem to be flying by!


The nursery is all ready for baby Quinn. Its crazy to see it look so different, but still holds so many memories and emotions from Liam. Ive really been missing Liam lately. Every milestone with our pregnancy or home or in life in general I just wish he was here to share it all with us. Our lives would be so different in so many ways. Im comforted knowing he's with us and watching over us, but especially with it being March and knowing that he would be turning 3 just really forces things in a different perspective. He's just SO missed.


Now we are finishing up some baby shower planning, and some other festivities in April. I also finally decided on a quilt pattern for Quinn (that took forever!) and can start putting that together soon. I'm really excited to have our family and friends over soon to celebrate her upcoming arrival! It will be such a special day.


As for now, I'm just enjoying each great day I have, really taking advantage of feeling so well especially not knowing how long that will last. We are so grateful that everything has been progressing so well and especially excited to share the next few months with everyone! Thank you all for your never-ending love and support!

Bump Update: 24 Weeks

Week: 24
Baby Size: Small Pizza
Pregnancy Side Effects: Round ligament pain, hip pain, sleepiness
Bump Status: Growing and growing!

Currently...
Eating: Cereal, Sweets, Veggies
Craving: All things sweet! And Pizza...
Drinking: Water, and veggie juice
Wearing: Maternity bottoms, and whatever tops that fit.
Feeling: Wonderful! So happy to see and feel so much movement so often.
Weather: The weather has been getting warmer! Im really looking forward to a beautiful Spring!
Wanting: ALL the sleep in the world...
Thinking: Recently I've been thinking about the next few months, and the anticipation of meeting Quinn, seeing what she'll look like, and imagining taking her home.
Enjoying: How well I'm feeling overall! I'm so happy to have the energy that I do :)
Missing: Cravings wise, nothing much...
Doing: We finished painting the nursery this week and will finalize the decorations soon!
Looking Forward To: Meeting this little sweet girl.

Week 22: Bump Update!

Week: 22
Baby Size: Spaghetti Squash (1pound!)
Pregnancy Side Effects: Low Energy, Increased Appetite (FINALLY!), Feeling Full, Hip Pain
Bump Status: Getting bigger!!

Currently...
Eating: Anything that sounds good! I still cant eat that much at a time, but I'm definitely eating more. Juicing every morning too to help get those veggies!
Craving: S U G A R ! Literally any candy, sweet, soda, juice, or ice cream imaginable... I could eat nothing but sugar all day if my conscience wasn't so heavy...
Drinking: Water.... All... Day....
Wearing: Maternity Pants (heaven!), Yoga Pants, Tighter shirts to show off this belly since the looser stuff isn't looking as flattering these days...
Feeling: Wonderful! I've been having a few issues with pain in my hips while sleeping, but other than that, I have no complaints! I feel great.
Weather: Its starting to warm up! The last few mornings have had that beautiful warm but crisp air feeling! I'm really looking forward to this Spring like weather. <3
Wanting: Just.... ALL the sugar....
Thinking: About how fast these next few months feel like they will go by.... I feel like its going to be June as soon as I blink!
Enjoying: Feeling so well health and pregnancy wise! I couldn't be more happy and thankful to feel this well.
Missing: Laying on my belly to sleep.
Doing: Better workouts. I'm finally feeling well again to keep up with a simple regimen at the gym without feeling like I'm over doing it or taking a million breaks. Its great to feel so normal again.
Looking Forward To: Spring Cleaning, Nursery Painting, and Planning a Baby Sprinkle!


We have had a fun couple weeks! Baby Quinn is getting bigger and bigger and moving around more and more! Each day is so happy knowing she's with us. Its becoming more and more real! We have still been having bi-weekly prenatal appointments which has been wonderful for me being able to see our little spaghetti squash move around and growing! Justin's been working hard on helping me organize the house and take care of redecorating tasks. Call it nesting but I couldn't be happier about having a clean organized garage, spare bedroom and closets! We have also been repainting the ceilings which have really given our home a wonderful new fresher feel! Next will be the nursery! We also had a really fun birthday party to attend for our aunt who turned 70! She had a surprise Great Gatsby themed party that was really fun to get dressed up for.


These next few months are going to be such an adventure! I'm so excited about the weather warming up and for everything to be in bloom. I hope to get out for a few simple hikes with the puppies at Red Rock. These are my favorite weeks during pregnancy! While you're big enough to look pregnant but its early enough that you still feel so great. I just want to soak up each and every day!


Thank you all for your ongoing love and support! <3

20 Weeks Bump Update

Week: 20
Baby Size: Artichoke (about 6.5 inches)
Pregnancy Side Effects: Feeling full, sensitive appetite, sleepy...
Bump Status: We finally have quite the little bump! I can feel her move so much, Justin actually got to feel her on his birthday from the outside!

Currently...Eating: Whatever I can! Monday - Friday we still eat pretty healthy, veggies, etc. I indulge in cravings more on the weekends. My appetite is still hit or miss, so I try to eat what I can (what sounds good) when I can.
Craving: S W E E T S.....
Drinking: Water, Juicy juice, and "maybe" a root beer on the weekend... ;)
Wearing: Jeans, Leggings, hoodies... Im still wearing regular clothes but I did start shopping for maternity jeans because they look much cuter than my regular jeans do at the moment..
Feeling: So very content... So happy to feel her every day and have the reassurance that she's there, and just wiggling around... I love knowing there's two of us, and we just get to spend all our time together now!
Weather: It has been a crazy winter so far... So much rain, and wind, and full overcast days... I love it! But it also makes it way too easy to stay home, under a blanket, on the couch.. My poor pups hate it...
Wanting: Our next ultrasound appointment to go well! Next week we have a cardiologist looking at our little miss, to closely examine her heart, etc. Im really anxious to get such a detailed look at her! Praying for all great news that day!!
Thinking: About everything our near future may hold... Really recently concerned with how to raise a daughter vs a son... And wondering how we can brainwash her to never want electronics and social media over quality time with her super cool parents...
Enjoying: Just overall - being pregnant. Its taken so long to be here again.. Im just so happy for it. So thankful. Its been 20 weeks and it still feels like a such a gift each day.. Its still surreal..
Missing: Queso from Café Rio... and The Bravo sandwich from Panera...
Doing: Working, Exercising, Sleeping, Nursery planning....
Looking Forward To: Painting the nursery and buying things for our little princess!


I just cant believe we are at the half-way mark! Ah how much I LOVE the second trimester! Even though I haven't gotten much energy back yet, I'm so happy to no longer be nauseas or not being able to eat anything! My appetite is still just weird.. But its so much better than it was! Its SO nice to enjoy eating again! I also love the second trimester because I constantly feel little mighty movements from our little girl. Its crazy how in tune with my body I have become since carrying Liam, and going through other pregnancies. I was thankfully able to feel Quinn move so early in my pregnancy. But now shes finally at the strength that Im confident of her kicks and movements. She keeps me company all day with her little "hello's". They always make me smile, and its so wonderful to have something that makes you that happy, that often throughout the day regardless of whatever else may be happening around you. <3


Its been harder to write lately... It started to seem like more of a chore (as in the pressure to keep people updated) instead of a form of therapy for me. It was also hard for me to find a positive point of view to write from while we were still in the earlier stages of pregnancy. It usually takes 90% of my energy to keep my self convinced that everything is okay, and will be okay, so writing that down for others just went in some different directions. I noticed it wasn't from the heart, because I was too scared to be too honest. This whole process has so many fears that are so real, and so heavy, I just wanted to keep my head down and keep moving forward... To "get through it" while being thankful and optimistically enjoying the process... That by itself was too much. So I decided to scale back until it felt right and real again. So here we are!


Justin and I took the leap this past weekend to clear out Liam's nursery. I loved his nursery SO much and had so many expectations of experiences we would have in that room. It was really hard to take down. The sentiment that was in each toy he never played with, sheets that never needed to be washed or changed, diapers that were still waiting to be used, wipes that were dried out, and clothes that he never grew into.... These things had already been processed and accepted.. But it was still so hard to pack it away. I was hoping he had more unisex cloths that we could have his sister wear, but it didn't really work out that way. I did find some of his clothes, shoes, and toys that would be perfect to pass on to his sister. That gave me so much joy. We want her to always know she has a big brother in heaven, an angel, watching over her. We don't know how soon to go into his full story, or how soon it will be necessary to, but we want her to be surrounded by him as much as we are, as a family. Im really happy for the things of his that I can use for her. Im happy that the room that we will bring Quinn home to one day will be the same room I nursed and cared for her brother in -same walls, same rocker, same crib.... I hope these things will bring comfort and peace in with the other waves of emotion that I know will keep coming.


Another thing that's been on my mind is raising a girl vs raising a boy. With Liam I just assumed we were in for a roller coaster of parenthood.... He was a boy! He would bring me bugs, be rough but sweet at the same time, he would see how well his Dad treated his mom and see what a great male role model looked like, we could have looser reigns on what he did, and I loved the bond that I feel all boys just have with their mothers - forever... But a daughter!? I thought we would have Liam as a baseline... and could learn from our mistakes and triumphs with him, how to adjust for her... (Because parenting is clearly this easy right....? What do we know... lol) But with a girl.... Oye... Some of the relationships I know between mother and daughter.... Eekk.. Not to mention my own relationship with my mother... EEEEEKKKKKKkkk... I mean, we are at a much better place now, but growing up, the teen years... YIKES. Its terrifying. Now I have all these new fears of my daughter even liking me when she's older! I did not have this worry with Liam... I was his mom... Boys love their moms! Something else that started weighing on me more was wondering how to raise her knowing her self worth and ensuring she is confident with herself and her view of beauty. Especially in a world and specifically a city that well... has sex plastered everywhere. Now I feel all this pressure of making sure she grows up loving her self , understanding what real beauty, kindness, respect, and self esteem is and should be despite what is around you. How can I already want SO many things for a tiny artichoke sized miracle baby? Im sure this is what every parent thinks and Im telling myself to stay calm and take things day by day. But some times this racing mind of mine just takes off and all of a sudden Im overwhelmed with how to do any of this... I had different fears but still fears with Liam and how to raise him. I think that not getting to see any of that through for him makes it hard to envision with Quinn. But, how much does anybody know? We all just try our best to be our best for our kids and families.


Im so excited to be where we are today. Im really excited to begin this new adventure. Im completely happy with being pregnant right now. So incredibly thankful for the opportunity at all. Thank you all for listening to my hormonal ramblings! Thanks for supporting and loving us through this journey. I hope I have many MANY happy updates to continue to share!