Round Two: Egg Retrieval and Embryo Update - EIGHT!

EIGHT.

I received the call early one morning while I was at my desk at work. I wasn't expecting to hear from them yet, and was completely caught off guard. The call itself lasted an entire 43 seconds. I answered, my coordinator told me she had results - pause - then asked if I wanted to year them (in response to my silence). To be perfectly honest I had been dreading the call. Everything had been going so well I was so scared of getting bad news. I didn't want to have any expectations and was perfectly content with the time in between of not knowing.... For once, the waiting was enjoyable, and happy. The thought of results and the reality of it and how much it meant was almost unbearable. So here I am, on the line, waiting for her to speak again in her monotone-giving-nothing-away voice as she goes on to tell me that we have EIGHT healthy unaffected embryos. Some are a very decent high grade, some a little less that high - but all healthy and disease free! She said congratulations, I said "K, thanks!" and hung up! Very rudely and abruptly - but I was just overwhelmed with emotions and needed to just process and soak it up! Also, mind you, I was still at my desk hoping that no one would approach me while on a call and holding back tears. So I paused and sat and processed, exhaled, and fast walked outside to call my husband immediately. Be were both so over-joyed and in such shock. It was torture to not be with him in person to just hold each other over the news.


Out of 16, we have 8. EIGHT! Eight unaffected healthy embryos. Eight CHANCES. Eight opportunities for the dream of growing our families, experiencing life growing within me again, to watch grow day by day as curiosity and learning happens before their eyes. Eight chances at experiencing the full gift of motherhood. Christmas mornings, Easter egg hunts, birthday parties, Disneyland trips, bedtime stories, jammie cuddles, Saturday morning cartoons, spilled milk, sleepless nights, and chaos. Even more so, the chance for not just one, but possibly siblings! The depth of it all! So many of these dreams I thought were slim if not over. This was our last shot. I know we still have the transfer to go through and that it needs to be successful but these chances! We have them. We are this far. They are frozen perfectly in time. What a milestone to achieve. My happiness cannot be obtained. The amount of swelling love I feel from this just brings me to tears. My gratitude is immeasurable. Thank you all for your continued prayers, love and support. Its been a long, long time waiting, but its happening.


Transfer is tentatively set for July. Making babies!

Embryo Update :: PGD/PGS Results

We started out this journey harvesting 16 eggs. 11 were mature, 9 were fertilized and 7 made it to day five of growing. In the end, we had 7 embryos to test for our disorder.


Typically some come back abnormal for random reasons, and some will come back with the disorder that they are specifically being tested for, in our case, IIAC/GACI. I was so unbelievably hopeful that with going into this with 7 to test, we would get 3 or 4 for sure to keep on ice so we had the opportunity to try at least 1-3 rounds of IVF if needed. I hoped that we would be lucky enough for it to work the first time, with implanting one or two, and then have the remaining embryo(s) frozen for a sibling later. If you already have the embryos frozen, a future transfer isn't nearly as expensive as a full cycle, because you wouldn't need to go through the diagnostic testing, injections or retrieve eggs again. You would just skip to the transferring of the eggs part, and see if it works. I was so hopeful for all of this. After all, each embryo only had a 25% chance of being an affected carrier.

I finally got the call with the test results from our embryos. Only 1 of the 7 are healthy and eligible to transfer. From what I was specifically told, all of the other 6 embryos had GACI/IIAC. None of them were abnormal in any other way. Ill get a more detailed explanation of everything on soon when the lab specialist/Dr calls with the full breakdown. I'm really hoping, somehow, there was some mistake somewhere.


I am so so unbelievably grateful for this one. This one perfect one! But I feel that so much was lost as well. The pressure and fears associated with this process anyways is so much. The cost (Which we have gotten overwhelming support with), the injections, the drawn out timeline, the risks, the odds, etc. I tried everything to ease myself of the stress. The help with the cost alone took off so so much pressure, and I am so grateful for that. Then knowing that because of having such a high number of eggs retrieved to start with, I was in a much better position to have more healthy embryos. This gave me a sense of a safety blanket. Like, if this didn't work out the first time, it was okay, and I had more, I would just have to be strong enough to keep trying. I could do that. It also reassured me that the possibility of twins was realistic (though risky), or at least still having two (living) children total to grow our family. Now Im left feeling that even though our odds are still good with this remaining egg, our fate is still not in any way guaranteed. Instead of feeling like this was another first chance, I feel as if it could be our only and last. If this one egg doesn't work, we have nothing to fall back on. All of the money put in would be lost and for nothing in return. Any hopes to try again would mean starting from the very beginning and cost an additional 20k (We are saving 6k because our probe for the testing is already built.... What a deal huh....). And not to make it sound like its all about the money, but when you don't have it ..... It certainly does limit things. I know anything is possible still, but wow.


I was so proud of having so much faith and optimism. I felt much less stress and was so ready to go into this with a good positive, confident attitude. I knew that through all of our losses, it was possible to still have what we've always wanted. Now it feels like everything is riding on this one shot, and its all completely out of my hands. To say the least, I am so completely fearful.


2016 is a new year. New insurance benefits were offered. In addition to our genetic situation (Which we have yet to have anyone cover) I also had the diagnosis of PCOS. If that is true, that should mark me under the "infertile" category on paper and may help with funding a part of any future needed rounds, if that's the way we go. Im not by any means thinking this round wont work. But reassuring myself that maybe it doesn't all depend on this one little tiny egg gives me a better peace of mind. Our little remaining egg is in excellent healthy condition I was told. He or She has every chance at making it. We have every chance at a successful full term pregnancy resulting in a birth of a healthy baby. I still feel like it will work. I still feel hopeful. Ive still read and heard of much MUCH worse scenarios and suffering by other parents going this route. I know we still have so much on our side, and that this is all very very possible for us. The fact that we were given this opportunity to try at all is a miracle that I am very, very grateful for. After all, it only takes "one".


Our embryo transfer is set for the end of January. Then we will wait and see!