IVF Timeline from Beginning to End (Round 1)

I know when I started this process, I wanted to know what type of timeline to expect. It helped me to have a clear idea of how long it would all take. Below is the timeline for our first round of IVF. Our round went perfectly. Nothing was set back or canceled. I responded perfectly to all meds and procedures. Below is our timeframe of our experience with IVF doing a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) from the beginning consult, through stims, egg retrieval, transfer and end result.


July 2015 - Scheduled a consultation with Red Rock Fertility. Our Treatment package was $16,000.00 for one round. PGD was $4,500.00. Stim Meds - $2,529.30. Transfer Meds $559.95. Round one total expenses, $23,589.25 plus insurance deductibles, etc.


September 8th 2015 - Our first appointment with Red Rock Fertility. They reviewed our case, discussed pricing and the overall process.
September 17th 2015 - Paid Genesis Genetics, Probe construction and research began.
September 29th 2015 - Diagnostic Testing, Ultrasound & Blood work, Female Exam, Day 3 cycle specific, Semen Analysis, Hormone check.
October 1st 2015 - Sonohysterography
October 4th 2015 - Preop labs.
October 6th 2015 - Surgery (Hysteroscopy) to examine uterine cavity
October  21st 2015 - Follow up Consult and Treatment plan. Began Birth Control Pills.
November 9th 2015 - Ordered Stim Medications/Injections from Integrity RX Pharmacy.
November 25th 2015 - Last birth control pill
December 1st 2015 - Baseline Ultrasound and Blood work, Started Stims (Menopur & Gonal F).
December 4th 2015 - Ultrasound and Blood work, Increased Gonal F.
December 7th 2015 -  Ultrasound and Blood work

December 9th 2015 -  Ultrasound and Blood work, Trigger Shot.

December 11th 2015 - Egg Retrieval - Retrieved 16 eggs, 11 mature, 9 fertilized via ICSI. 7 made it to blast (day 5) and were sent for PGD testing.
December 24th 2015 - Back on birth control pill.
December 30th 2015 - Received the following results for our PGD testing.

1. 1 - Affected GACI Carrier
2. 2 - Affected GACI Carrier
3. 3 - Other Chromosome Abnormalities
4. 4 - Affected GACI Carrier
5. 5 - Unaffected GACI Carrier (5AA Baby girl)
6. 6 - Unknown (Sent to retest and embryo didn't survive thaw)
7. 7 - Affected GACI Carrier

January 8th 2016 - Last birth control pill
January 13th 2016 - Baseline Ultrasound and Blood work.
January 14th 2016 - Began 1 tab Estrace Estrogen and baby aspirin daily.
January 18th 2016 - Ultrasound and Blood work.
January 21st 2016 - Started Estrogen Patch, increase Estrace Estrogen to 2 tabs daily.
January 22nd 2016 - Ultrasound and Blood work.
January 25th 2016 - Ultrasound and Blood work. Began Progesterone in oil injections, and progesterone cream daily.
January 27th 2016 - Begin Medrol (four days) increase Estrace Estrogen to 3 tabs daily.
January 30th 2016 - Transfer Day - Transferred 1 5AA Baby Girl.
Following transfer during the two week wait - Continue Estrace Estrogen 3 tabs , Baby aspirin, Prenatal, Estrogen patch, Progesterone injection and Progesterone cream.
February 3rd 2016 - Hormone check, Progesterone - 39.55, Estradiol - 412.5
February 8th 2016 - Hormone check, Progesterone - 38.17, Estradiol - 344.4
February 12th 2016 - Hormone check, Progesterone - 45.36, Estradiol - 561.4, HCG - 0

 

IVF Round 1 - BFN, Fail.
We plan to meet with out doctor to see if she has any feedback on our cycle. :(


Update
We met with our IVF Dr and she said everything went perfectly and she has no insight as to why our round failed. Looking at my levels, the embryo quality, etc, there's no reason why it shouldn't have been successful.

Shots, Hormones & Turkey

Another step forward!


Big news! This week my medications arrived!!! And - Wow. Its a bit intimidating. First of all, after my insurance, the cost was $3000.00 just for what you see in the picture below and is not included in what was paid for the IVF package. Luckily we qualified for a discount and got it lowered a bit, which I am very thankful. I tried to ask over the phone what I was paying for. I couldn't even understand the prescription names they were naming off. My anxiousness drove me to look up the names that I guessed they were to see what I was in for. After an overload of information, I decided to just chill, and wait it out so I don't work my self up over side affects and risks. So, a few days later this box arrives and in contains the following.

21 Injections -

• Menopur Injections 10
• Pregnyl Intramuscular Solution - 1
• Gonal-F Injection Pen - 6
• Cetrotide Injection Kit - 4

3 Tablets -

• Azithromycin Tab 500mg - 2
• Fluconazole Tab 150mg - 1

Red Rock Fertility Office Visits

• Countless.....

21 INJECTIONS!? EEK! I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a bit of a pity melt down of "Why us!? Why does it have to be this way? Why is this so much and so hard!? Why cant I just get knocked up and have healthy babes like its supposed to be?" - and so on and so forth. Gahhhh.... But. This is the road we are on. This is the journey we are in. I don't know if this is where we were "destined" to be or not, but this is where we are. I have the strongest, most understanding and caring husband by my side and a million blessings to be thankful for. So, I took a deep breathe, and decided not to worry about the shots until I have to. Which, will be the week of Thanksgiving. I will be scared. It will hurt. Its not romantic. Ill be a hormonal mess and most likely bloat up like a balloon from what I've been hearing but you know what? I. Don't. Care. Ill do whatever I need to do. The pain and emotions will be worth it in the end. This is our opportunity for a family. One that I hope to have and watch grow and age. If it weren't for science, we may have had to go through much, much more loss and tragedy if we would have even had the courage to try at all. I'm very thankful that we have this opportunity at all. It may not work round one. It may not work at all. But It may! It may work on our first try. We may even get two for one! Whatever the outcome is, I have, very little, if any, control over it. So, in my opinion, its not anything I should worry about (saying and doing are two completely different things, but I'm trying!). I'm trying so desperately to not look at this as a "last chance" but instead as a great opportunity at a miracle. It could happen!


So, in the next coming weeks, while most will be baking for their families, sharing turkey dinners with the sounds of children playing in the background, and black Friday shopping to build an inventory of surprises for Christmas morning, Ill be experimenting with injections, trying to not torture my husband with raging hormones, and missing my baby boy - wondering what he would look like now, what he would be getting in to, and what his personality would be. Liam is so, so genuinely missed in everything we do. Every event or holiday we go to (amongst everything else) feels wrong. Its obvious that he is missing and its hard. But this is what life and the holidays are for me, for my husband, and our family. There's nothing to be done to change it. I have accepted that. The grief and sadness will always be with us. This doesn't mean that we cant be happy too. With WHOLE hearts we feel it all. We hurt, love and miss Liam. We are scared and excited about what the future could bring. We are happy for all of the love and support we have from each other. We are grateful to begin the very real steps of IVF in hopes to announce a new addition next year. I am overwhelmed with all the love I have for my nieces, nephews, and cousins. Through them and my friends children, I have been able to embrace my maternal side. For this too I am so thankful. I'm proud that I haven't been too hardened over the recent years. I'm blessed to still be able to see and feel so much love.


I wont pretend that the sadness and pain doesn't exist. It does very, very much so. It exists in every smile, every memory, every happy moment, every beautiful moment, and grows stronger when bad times arise. I accept it. And I'm still able to find a happy. I'm in love. I'm okay.  I'm still able to see the beauty in so many things. I soak up all the happy moments and pause to soak them in. I embrace everything that makes me happy no matter if its a stupid laugh from the most recent ridiculous thing the Kardasians have done to hearing my nieces read a poem about love off my refrigerator together in perfect harmony while thinking no one can hear them. I am happy. I am blessed. I am going to go into this with the most positive outlook that I can. I just ask that those around me can be compassionate and patient with us. There's a lot on the line these upcoming months. Emotions are high and I have no idea what to expect. Love with us, laugh with us, and please hope and pray for us.

The Hope

Justin and I have been pursuing IVF with PGD. We've had our first appointment and got to sit down, fully comprehend the full depths of the process, and all the associated costs. I’ve seen "estimates" and "averages" before, but when it’s all on paper, with your name on it, in front of you - wow. It’s unbelievable. It should never have to come to a situation like this. For anyone. The costs would be more than all we have. If we finance, we put ourselves in a monthly situation that we wouldn’t be able to afford, let alone with a baby. It would take years to pay off, with interest, and so on and so forth, consistently setting ourselves back. I’ve exhausted every avenue to get it covered. My insurance will not cover it. Even after medical documents showing why we are doing this (not for infertility), letters of recommendation from genetic counselors, highly rated OBs, etc - They are a hard no. They won’t even consider covering a part of it. My insurance is already denying so much of our medical debt because anything regarding genetics is apparently "experimental". It’s unbelievable.
I have never even thought about genetics or what it meant to be a genetic carrier. Its such a small amount of people that are affected, but wow is it an overlooked tragic situation that there is very little support for or awareness around.  I feel the same for those who are infertile. I'm so saddened by all of the obstacles that people have to face to begin a family. Its devastating. It's times like these that I'm so thankful to have all the family and friend that I do have by my side.


On top of the outrageous cost, there's a chance that I don't even get pregnant through IVF or that the pregnancy doesn't thrive. Its so much to have weighing on you at once. But all I can think about is, if it does work, and we are lucky enough to have a successful pregnancy, I'll know that they will be IIAC free and will have even greater chances of being completely healthy because of all the care that will go into the process. As stressful as ALL of this is, it’s a chance I’m willing to take. My aunt and sister have been encouraging us for months to open a fundraiser to allows those that would like to donate to help us with costs. I’ve put it off until I’ve exhausted every other avenue I could. While I was appealing a previous insurance claim, I received a call from my insurance representative who said "Your claim has been approved" and I asked her if this was the IVF w/PGD Claim and if it was covered in full and she replied "Yes". In that one moment, the financial weight of everything was lifted and suddenly my perspective of it all changed completely. Like there was nothing holding me back. Unfortunately, this was a HUGE error and miscommunication on her part, and in no way was my appeal approved. She was referring to a lab test that was from May that was a whopping $600 which is going straight to the lap to pay that outstanding debt. I think that's when I realized the truth in what I was most worried about. The money. Of COURSE. In that moment I was right back to feeling like it was completely impossible and that all odds were against us. Should we risk everything for this? Would it be worth it if we just finance it and risk everything for a situation that's going to be even harder on us in the future? Maybe I should take a step back and let those who are so willing to help us - help. Maybe it is okay. Maybe it will be worth it to just go into it knowing that not only we can come out of this with a new perfect addition to our long time anticipated family, but still be in a place where we can provide for them as we have always dreamt of. The way we have worked this hard for the opportunity to do so.


It’s with high hopes that we can go into this, with as little stress as possible, knowing the power in numbers, surrounded by all of those that love and support us and have nothing but a positive mindset. Our goal is to take home a healthy baby to a loving home without the burden of endless debt just as we intended with Liam. I have no idea of what’s to come. But I know that we will do everything in our power to make this happen. I need to know that I've tried everything. Right now, we are going to move on with IVF w/PGD regardless of what it takes. If you'd like to contribute or share, it would be much appreciated more than I'd ever be able to express.  I want to say "THANK YOU" to everyone that has been on this journey with us, and has been there supporting us every step of the way. All of the loving gestures, kind words, long conversations, prayers and positive energy is so appreciated and comforting. We are forever grateful.


The link to donate is below.  I hope and pray and am at the mercy of fate that we can be lucky enough for this to work for us. Thank you in advance for all kind wishes, support, and shares.


https://www.gofundme.com/forjustin-tracey

Life Moves Pretty Fast Standing Still

I wanted to give a bit of an update on the exciting world of Schlosser living... Though I don't have any fun announcements to share, life has continued to move forward, quickly, and we have been, well, still.


All the world around me...
It literally seems like everyone around me is preparing to be pregnant, pregnant, or has just had a newborn. I'm sure there's little I can do about the reality of this considering my age and the age of everyone close to me. Honestly, its such a blessing. Its painful of course because I want nothing more than to be one of them.  Its plain and simple envy and I think its natural. One of the people (not that I even know her.. #creepystalkerstatus) that I found on IG who lost her only child two months after we lost Liam, is pregnant. Not only pregnant, but was pregnant exactly when I was previously. Her due date is 1 day before mine was supposed to be in December. Now instead of reading and relating to her posts like I used to, I feel like I'm left in the shadows watching her belly grow, knowing mine should have been right there with hers. It used to be so comforting to see someone else go through all of the same emotions through grief and tackle them with such a positive outlook. I'm just a little sad we are on different pages now but so, so, so unbelievably happy for her. With my first pregnancy after Liam, another friend of mine was pregnant at the same time, due the same month. She just had her baby. And so on, and so forth. The world of conceiving continues, and I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Its SO unbelievably easy to play the victim.... I want nothing more than a living child of my own, to play with all the other children! I'm sure this comes to no shock to anyone, duh, this is the same dream we've been chasing for years now. Its not like when we finally do have a child that everyone else will stop having babies. After each pregnancy announcement I feel myself going through the same spiral of emotions, have a rough bitter envious day, then after some soul searching, pull my self back together and realize - This will ALWAYS continue to happen. Life is as certain as death. The world will continue to spin and grow. It could be SO easy to be dragged down by envy and sadness. But why? None of this is my fault. And we are doing everything we can to work towards a family of our own. So I need to remind myself to stop comparing my life with others, or where I want to be, and live in the now. Its easier said than done most days, but that doesn't change the fact. I'm truly happy for all of those out there moving forward in their lives and growing. One day when and if we are lucky enough to have a little one at home, people will still continue to have more babies, and Ill feel silly for ever feeling left behind in the first place. Its not like when we have a living child, all other baby booming will cease and my little will have no one left to play with. It will always continue just as its supposed to. I bask in the beauty of all of the photos from my inner friends and families children and the memories they are making with them. All of the happiness that is shown through these memories and photos makes me strive to keep fighting for my own. I only have control over so much, and that's okay. As blunt as it sounds, and as devastating as it is to accept, children are never guaranteed to anyone. Its a cruel sentence to any couple to face, but its still a fact. There are women all over the world that cannot carry, are not fertile, are genetic carriers, or have their children full term just to face the devastation of having a still born or facing SIDS later on. Trying to find a reason in any of it will cripple you. I'm not sure that's the point. I believe that you should be thankful for what you have, as often as you can. One can only hope for more. Life is not fair. I'm not sure it was every supposed to be. Not that that's okay, but it just is what it is. Since I'm here, living out this life, I'm still trying to make the absolute most of it. I want to be the positive person that sees beauty in everything. If it takes a few bad days to get back to that, fine. I'm just proud that I haven't lost all hope and sight yet. Today is a good day. I am where I am. That's okay.


Baby News
We agreed not to try naturally since our last pregnancy resulted in another genetically affected baby boy. That's nothing I ever want to go through again. I took the leap of faith, it backfired, and there's nothing I can do about that now. I just refuse to try again blindly. We have an appointment at Red Rock Fertility in September. We want to get more information on our chances of having a successful pregnancy through IVF w/PGD taking our history in to account. The costs for this would be $17, 000.00 - $20,000.00. I recently submitted a claim to my insurance company to see if they would help with the associated costs. I went to great lengths to explain how much they have already been billed (well over $400,000.00) vs the cost of the procedure and how beneficial it would be for all of us if they would help. I had letters from our genetic counselors with their recommendations to go this route as well. Earlier this week we received the letter that explained in three short sentences that we were denied.

As argumentative as I can be about this, if its not covered, its not covered. Its not like I can battle the insurance company to get my way. I just really hoped that they could see the whole picture. I plan on appealing, but I'm just not sure what difference it will make. I really, really hope if I give them enough trouble and stay persistent, they could maybe change their minds. I've heard of organizations that offer grants or scholarships to help cover costs, I'm just not sure how confident I am with the time frame of waiting that out and our chances of actually getting it. There are unfortunately SO many families out there needing the same thing. I've also had family members offer to open a fundraiser account to help raise funds. Ive struggles with this as well. I feel I already received so much when Liam passed to help us out with expenses while we were out of work and for the costs of everything. Justin and I make decent money to live the way we do. We just don't make the kind of money that would allow us to drop twenty grand on the roulette table (odds are about the same) on our chance of a healthy pregnancy. I couldn't imagine being burdened by financial debt in additional to everything else. To be so loved and blessed by others is so heartwarming. Its just a hard decision to make. We still aren't sure of what road to take. I know first, we are going to appeal this denial, and take it from there. One step at a time, its all we can do.


On another note, summer is coming to an end. As fun as this summer was with vacations, gatherings, and concerts, I for one cannot wait for Autumn. Something about being able to go outside, comfortably, with our puppies and not be scorched by the sun is so refreshing. More trips to the park, less sweat, more hiking, colorful leaves, crisp breeze, pumpkin everything, boots - basically - All the #basic things. It makes me feel so comforted! I cannot wait. I'm also determined to take on the holidays this year vs avoiding them like last year. I wished I was in a better position to do so, but, again, it is what it is and I'm going to embrace it regardless!

Knowledge is Power, Unless that knowledge came from the internet, then its stress.

We learned from the passing of our son Liam James that we were both carriers for a genetic disorder called GACI (Generalised Infantile Arterial Calcification) [AKA] IACI (Idiopathic Arterial Calcification of Infancy). His autopsy showed signs of the disorder. His DNA was observed and the mutation in his genes was found. My self and my husband were tested and confirmed we were both in fact unaffected carriers. This means we do not have the disorder, but we have the ability to pass it down to our children. We have a 25% chance of having an affected carrier with each pregnancy. This was the case with Liam. This was also the case with our 2015 pregnancy. This could have also been the cause of my two miscarriages although we will never know for sure and it could never be proven.

After so much loss and failed attempts, we chose to pursue IVF w/PGD to grow our family. This means we will use in vitro fertilization (IVF) and Pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. A normal round of IVF consists of monitoring and stimulating a woman's ovulatory process, retrieving eggs from the the woman's ovaries and letting sperm fertilise them at a laboratory. The fertilised eggs move forward to mature. Then they are implanted the woman's uterus, with the intention of establishing a successful pregnancy. Adding PGD to this means that after the eggs are fertilized and mature they undergo genetic testing before implantation. Only the embryos that appear strong and are cleared of our genetic disorder are moved forward to consider using for implantation.

Obviously, for situations like ours, this is a miracle in itself. To have the science and knowledge to prevent this type of suffering is truly miraculous. Internet research (the same type of research that could convince you that your common head cold is a fatal catastrophe) indicated that success rates with PGD increased your chances with IVF. Most miscarriages are loosely links to chromosome and genetic abnormalities that we have no control over. Adding this extra step to examine the embryos before implantation reduces these risks. I could talk about statistics since I've spent DAYS researching them, but, the flat our answer is that there are too many factors to give a blanket success rate. Your Fertility Clinic will give you their best guestimate once you've begun the process and they know your details specifically.

I had heard that the process is expensive. I saw quotes from $10,000.00 - $30,000.00 for both IVF and PGD together. Again, I was swimming around in internet articles and my own assumptions weighed down by my fears. It wasn't until I went to the Fertility Center, that I finally got the information that I was looking for.

The Plain and Simple Unfortuntate

The "Clinical Reason for the non approval of the Molecular pathology procedure : Cosmetic, (EA, Contract exclusion, not medically necessary) per the MPG. Whole exome sequencing and whole genome sequencing are considered experimental, investigational and or unproven for all indications because there is insufficient evidence in scientific, peer-reviewed literature establishing that services are generally accepted in the medical community and/or proven to be effective for the submitted Dx."

This is the exact response I got from our insurance company (Blue Cross and Blue Shield) when I submitted the claims for them to help cover the expenses for the genetic testing that we did to figure out what type of genetic disease/disorder we were dealing with when it came to Liam and what it meant for our possible future pregnancies.

The Pacific Ocean - Christmas 2014

I'd love to sit here and write an endless rant about the "inconvenience" of having to to pay out of pocket for all of this, when none of it was our fault, we didn't know anything about it to begin with, and how the representative "kindly" (someone - please pick up on that sarcasm) explained that "even IF they would cover it, we would not get any money back anyways because only a percentage of each of the charges would go towards a HUGE deductible that we would have to pay for OUT of network costs (we were already maxed out for IN network costs) and since only a percentage of the testing costs would go towards covering that, we would still owe the deductible before anything would be "covered" but it would end up being even MORE than the costs of testing that we already paid for out of pocket. I would LOVE to talk about the igonorance of that.... But...

Instead... I'm going to rant about the principle behind it all. Can someone please explain to me how two perfectly healthy people can have a perfectly normal pregnancy and birth a perfectly healthy seeming baby boy only to watch him pass away two months later from a medical mystery condition that was only assumed to be a "best guess" diagnosis from an autopsy that points to such a rare condition that less than 200 cases have ever been reported in the WORLD - How are we expected to proceed?!? The autopsy literally said that genetic counseling was recommended. This was the only way to determine where in his DNA the problem occurred and how it was passed on to him and how it will have a 1 in 4 chance of being passed on to each of our other potential children. Yet, Our insurance company labels it as "experimental" and "cosmetic".

I count my blessings that we were financially able to cover the costs without having to lose things or set ourselves back. I really am. I'm thankful for all of the positivity I do have in my life and the strength to be positive. I'm at a sort of peace to at least have answers and that's more than most even get. I'm thankful for the support of our families and friends and that we saved and worked hard for our income so we were able to pay for the testing. But, What on earth would others do or even be able to do? They force you to pay out of pocket for the testing or they do not do the testing. There are no competitors to consider or to "price match". There's only one place in the US that even DOES this type of DNA sequencing. Unbelievable! Then the insurance sends you an automatic reply that the only test that could maybe help you know more about your genes isn't supported due to a lack of "evidence" supporting its effectiveness.... Well of COURSE there's a lack of information!! Who has the brains, time and money to do the research for a disorder that affects much less than 1% of the entire population of the world!? For that matter, who even cares?? There's so much that's out there that is genetically unresolved, it blows my mind, and we lack the resources to fill in the blanks! After a month in the NICU with Liam and countless IVs,  tests, spinal taps, ultrasounds, and X-Rays the doctors and specialists from Mountain View Hospital and Sunrise Hospital (the leading neonatal and pediatric provider of the region) weren't even able to determine Liam's condition until the autopsy! It just seems like there's an answer and support group/community out there for everyone and it just took me awhile to realize the lack of options for these other rare but fatal and/or serious disorders. The ones that are unexplained, genetic and unpreventable. Who would really be able to invest to crack this case and create a cure or treatment if it was even possible? If only those Greys Anatomy doctors really existed, huh...?

On top of this, the realization of the amount of people who deal with this kind of stuff is just upsetting. The lack of support groups is disappointing, and even in the ones you do find, there's no real advice or support other than "I'm sorry" and "just have hope, it will happen". WOW. True or not, we are on our own. Its not something that can be fixed or changed. Its not that we are alcoholics and we have to find a way to fix it and stop drinking. Its not that we don't have enough money and we have to fix it and find a way to make more and/or adjust our finances. Its not a mistake that was made. There is no fault in it. There is no fix to it. What do you say to someone in this situation? I couldn't even tell you. It's just very unfortunate. We have to find our own hope, our own perspective and our own way to find strength to try for something as simple as getting "knocked up" and having a successful pregnancy and a "healthy" baby. I never knew it would or even could be such a challenge. I knew of stories, but I was oblivious to their lack of options. IVF for example is a hope for some, most even. But the chances of that are even slim. Its an expensive, stressful, very exhausting process with no guarantee, but still remains as the best chance some people have.

Things like this makes me question ever judging anyone for appearing "grumpy" or "angry" or like someone just "pissed in their cheerios". Well, Maybe someone did! People love saying things like that right? Like "wow, its a gorgeous day, what do you have to be so sad/mad about" I know this sounds harsh, But Ive been dealt harsh cards to play. Maybe these people do have things going on that are so much bigger than what people realize or what some people could ever even fathom. Maybe having clothes over their back and a roof over their head pales in comparison to what was taken away from them or they were denied the chance of. Maybe they are drowning in medical bills to chase a dream. Maybe they are living out their life the best they can after accepting their genetic or fertility challenges. Things that they didn't choose. Things they were born into. Things that weren't a result of their life choices. Things they have no control over changing. Things that no amount of prayers could change (God knows we tried). Maybe they need a hug or an extra smile. Maybe they need more recognition and patience for being brave enough to face the public in the first place. Maybe they were happy before and can see all the beauty in the world but now they see what they don't have and it hurts more when it surrounds them while others are taking it for granted or complaining about it while its right in front of their faces. Maybe something as simple as an innocent baby's smile could light up their day, or send them spiraling.  I for one take an extra moment to think of the maybes, count my own blessings, and offer the unsolicited smile even if it is forced. I know the people I surround myself with (friends and family) do the same. They show this type of kindness. I wish more people would do the same, and expand their minds to things that are bigger than them. I know the random acts of kindness has lifted me out of more than a few dark moments. It just might make someone elses day too. Maybe.