About

My name is Tracey. 

I started keeping this type of online journal after the passing of my son. I leaned heavily on writing from other surviving mothers after our loss. I would hope that my story could help others the way similar stories helped me. This blog stands for a few things.

                                             * All things associated with losing a child. 

                                             * Miscarriage and Termination.

                                             * Accepting life as a genetic carrier. 

                                             * The journey through IVF (unsuccessful and successful rounds).

                                             * Parenting after loss

                                             * Life as a rainbow and twin mama.

These topics are very separate and different from each other. Each are processed and accepted differently. Different emotions come from not only losing a child that was born in to this world, but for also suffering miscarriages, stomaching the decision of stopping a pregnancy due another genetically affected child, and coping with the fact that you and your husband are that unlucky <1% of those in the world that would fall in love with each other and be unknowing carriers for the same rare genetic condition. There is little to nothing out there about the struggle of genetic disorders. Mostly because it IS so rare. Its isolating. When you are blessed enough to be ready and able to have children after such a loss and through such obstacles, it becomes a very rare point of view you obtain when you have rainbow children. Not to mention, how much life changes when you have three kids under two years of age. I'm honored to be able to share such a success story. At the same time, I'm happy to shed light to what its like to be a surviving mama of loss, of a rainbow, and to twins.

I am a wife to my husband since 2012. He has been my high school sweetheart since 2005. We have always had an amazing relationship. Anytime I try to discuss it or explain it, people usually think I'm making it up or exaggerating. I'm not. He's 100% completely amazing, understanding, honest, patient, loving and well, just the prince charming Ive always wanted. Simple.

I am a mother to our angel baby Liam James. He was my second pregnancy following an unexplained miscarriage. He was our first born and only child. We soaked up two amazing months loving him that changed our lives forever. Since Liam I've had an additional miscarriage, and another loss at 15 weeks with another little boy who had the exact mutations as his brother and was affected by the same genetic disorder. After this, we pursued IVF (in vitro fertilization) with PGD (Preimplantation genetic diagnosis). Through this process we could genetically test our embryos and transfer only those that were not affected from our genetic disorder IIAC/GACI. Our first full round resulted in 1 viable embryo which when we transferred, did not stick. Our second IVF round we had more viable embryos. Our second transfer was also unsuccessful. Our third transfer however was successful. We welcomed a beautiful perfect baby girl in 2017. Following her, another successful round transfer (number 4) gave us our twins.

I am a mama of child loss.

I am a mama of miscarriage.

I am a mama of a rainbow.

I am a mama of twins.

I hope some of the rambling from this blog will bring positivity, hope, answers, humor, faith, or whatever it is that you may be looking for - to you.

I enjoy many hobbies including scrapbooking, crafting, sewing, DIY, reading, fitness, hiking, nature, painting, music, snowboarding, biking, teas & coffees, coloring, ALL THINGS DISNEY, and traveling. I also love run on sentences and overusing hyphens, quotations and parenthesis. You have been warned.

Thanks for reading.

- Tracey